Sometimes life throws trials our way… It’s how we handle those trials that make a difference. Turn to God.
Let’s start from the beginning… Back in November (2011), I found a lump on the left side of my neck. It’s normal for people my age to randomly have lymph nodes swell up, whether it be because of strep throat or no reason at all. So we did nothing about it. Months later, we decided to go to the doctor after the lumps never went down and were continuously growing. In May (2012), we went to a surgical doctor in Cullman to get it checked out. The doctor found swollen lymph nodes in both sides of my neck and in my groin. The doctor really thought nothing of it so we tried two different kinds of antibiotics. With both antibiotics the swelling went down but the lumps were still there. After a couple weeks of being off each medicine the swelling would just come back. We finally decided to have surgery on the ones in the left side of my neck. On July 19th I had surgery to get them removed. The lumps in my neck had grown in a week so he wasn’t able to remove all four lymph nodes in my neck. Instead he removed one large one.
On Wednesday July 25th, we went back to the doctor to get my bandage removed and find out the news on the biopsy. As soon as the doctor came in he hit me and my mother with the news. I have Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (cancer). That wasn’t at all what we expected. From then on I felt like I was in a dream world. Like nothing was real. My initial plan was to keep this information between me, my mom, and my dad. I didn’t want anyone to think of me or treat me different. But of course people had known that I had swollen lymph nodes and wanted to know the outcome of my biopsy. And like any news in Cullman, AL it spreads like wildfire. Before I knew it people I don’t even know knew about my cancer.
I had a very hard time with all of the texts, phone calls, Facebook posts, visits, tweets, messages, and letters. I still hadn’t processed what was going on in my life so how was I supposed to explain it to others? How was I supposed to show them that I was still strong and still myself if I felt like I was dreaming and none of it was real? I decided to keep my planned vacation that was the following weekend to visit a very close friend of mine. It really helped me to get away. Although I still felt as if I was in a dream world, getting away from my life and cell phone really helped. The only bad thing was the drive home when I began dreading coming back. That’s when it really hit me. I started really processing that fact that I have cancer. I was becoming a little more at ease with having to tell people.
Once I actually got home from my weekend trip I was bombarded with letters, people, news, etc. One of the biggest things being that I had my first doctors appointment at Kirkland Clinic on Tuesday, July 31st. That was in TWO days! I wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon. Another big thing was that I had to tell my two little cousins what all was going on. How do you tell two little girls that you have cancer? How do you tell two little girls that look up to you? I had the hardest time with that. It was so hard that I just couldn’t do it. My mom and uncle had to help me out. I couldn’t look at my little cousins and tell them news like that. I did my best to kind of joke with it. I told them that Hodgkin’s Lymphoma sounded a lot like a hedgehog and that I was still the same silly Karlie.
Once Tuesday came my parents and I went to Birmingham and it was boom, boom, BOOM from then on. We met with my doctor and my nurse. He already began to set up a treatment plan. There were many tests he wanted to run to make sure for himself that it was positive that I have cancer. So that same day I had blood work done and an eko gram (which is when you can see your heart on a screen). On Friday August 3rd, I went back to Kirkland Clinic to do a CT scan, have a bone marrow biopsy, visit the Infusion Room (where I’ll be doing my chemo), and do a pulmonary test (breathing test). Everything was still so new and I’m not going to lie… it was scary too. The bone marrow biopsy was the strangest and most painful thing I had experienced thus far. It’s so crazy to be awake and know that someone is sticking a needle through your bone. It took a few days to fully heal from that. After the doctor appointments that day we went to visit a wig shop in Birmingham. That was an experience in it of itself. Thinking of not even having my hair anymore was unimaginable for me. We picked out a wig and a hat for a “just in case” matter.
The days in between every doctor visit have just been a blur. I tried to do everything that I normally would and tried to keep my mind off things. Monday August 6th, I went to UAB to have a port put in. This is when they surgically place a small IV in your chest that stays in there all the time. That way it is easier to have chemotherapy, instead of being stuck with an IV several times. The weird thing was waking up right at the end of the surgery while they were stitching up my chest and neck. I couldn’t feel anything but just knowing and being able to watch was crazy enough. After I had the okay to leave, we headed home. I also had an appointment that day to get my hair cut. Now if you’re a girl reading this, you might come closer to understanding that this isn’t any easy thing to do. I mean it’s not like I wanted to get my hair cut. It was more of… I had to because it would be easier on me if I were to lose my hair. I haven’t had short hair since I was in the 1st grade so this was a big deal for me. I loved my long hair and am working on getting use to my short haircut. It was pretty emotional when we held up all the hair that had been cut off but it made me feel good to know that my hair was just long enough to be donated to an organization for kids with hair loss.
At the beginning of all this, I was very frustrated with people. I didn’t know how to handle having people come over, call, text, Facebook, write, and message me. I thought people were thinking of me differently. To some people the word “cancer” already means that I’m going to die or that I have some kind of plague. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate everyone’s concern, thoughts, and prayers… It was just all so new to me. It hurt me to know that other people were hurting for me. I’ve always been the type to hurt for other people but now the roles are reversed. That’s something that I’m still getting use to. So to all of my friends and family and unknown people: If I haven’t responded to you it’s not that I don’t like you or appreciate your thoughts. It’s just hard to tell every single person the same thing. Therefore, I’m starting this blog so everyone can keep up with me and what’s going on in my life. I appreciate you all more than you know and would love for you to continue praying for me as I fight this.
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. Romans 5:33
August 20, 2012
karlienicole.com 