Limited.

Remember that our days are numbered, so let us use our time wisely to love God and others, for our true life is found in Him.

“So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

This recent season in my life has reminded me of how fast our time on Earth really is. I can remember a time when I couldn’t wait to grow up. I couldn’t wait to drive, graduate high school, get a college degree, move out of my parents’ house. I couldn’t wait to be an adult. However, once I became that adult, I was then wishing I was just a little girl again. A little girl that was innocent to life’s tragedies and hardships.

Goat. On November 9th 2024, I unexpectedly lost a family friend that was more like an uncle to me. His name was Jeff, but most people only knew him by his nickname, “Goat.” He was one of my dad’s best friends from late teenage years to his death. He went on family vacations with us, came to family holiday gatherings, took me to watch Star Wars movies, tutored me in history, had bible discussions with me. He encouraged me through my cancer and in life as I became a special education teacher. He was proud of me and where I was in life. When my family heard the news of his death, time froze. My family was continuing in regular everyday life activities, but almost numb. Looking back now, it’s a vivid picture of a difficult time, but it’s also blurry. I was so worried for my dad. He lost his best friend. How do you go on after losing a friend unexpectedly? After losing a brother? Seeing my dad cry makes me cry, but it also reminds me that it’s okay to mourn. I listened, and still do, to my dad reminisce on fun times and hard times him and Goat shared together with over 40 years of friendship. During the funeral, the song “I Can Only Imagine” played while everyone was silent. I watched my dad. He was singing the words of the song to himself. It was as if he was talking to Goat in Heaven and he could truly only imagine what it must be like. With tears falling, my dad was worshipping Jesus while saying goodbye to a friend. I will never forget that. It was beautiful. Yet still, my heart was hurting. Goat would no longer be at Thanksgiving or Christmas… and those were just around the corner. At his visitation, all I could think was what an impact he made. He always had a heart for kids. He coached youth league sports, went on mission trips with the youth at church, worked at a school doing maintenance. But in reality, he was more than any of those titles. He helped children of all ages and influenced their lives to change their futures. He encouraged them when others had given up and took them under his wing. He helped to guide them and never gave up on them. Seeing so many lives he touched at his visitation and funeral was overwhelming. The kids, teenagers, and young adults that were there out of respect for him was moving. A few days later, a friend of mine from high school suddenly lost her husband. I’m not one to usually attend funerals because the emotions of others are too difficult for me even if I don’t know the ones that have passed. However, seeing so many people show up for Goat after years of not seeing him made me realize that even though I hadn’t seen my friend, Lacie, in years and didn’t even know her husband, I needed to be there for her. Her husbands life was cut short too and I could relate to her feelings in a way. The week of my birthday and three days before what would have been Goat’s birthday, I was reminded of time even during trials. Without fully knowing it, Goat made an impact with his time on Earth. And yet, his time was limited.

Haleigh. On January 26^th 2025, I lost a friend to cancer. I met Haleigh in 2012 while working at a summer camp for special needs children. She was there that summer when I was diagnosed with cancer. During my chemo, she would send me messages of encouragement and check in on me. Unfortunately, in 2017, Haleigh was diagnosed with cancer. This time I was the one sending her messages of encouragement through her treatment. A few years later, we both seemed to be doing well with life after cancer. I had overcome mine and she had overcome hers. In July of 2024, I got a message from Haleigh. She let me know her cancer had come back. It was more aggressive than before and growing fast. My heart was hurting for her. I made it a plan to send her a message of bible verses, inspiring quotes, or uplifting songs close to the time I knew she would be getting each chemo treatment. Haleigh responded for a while. And then… the responses stopped. Even though she wasn’t responding, I sent the messages anyway to give her hope and for her to know she was being prayed for. She eventually reached back out to let me know she was too weak and sick at times to respond, but appreciated the messages. I continued sending messages regularly. After a few months of silence from her, I was informed that Haleigh passed away. She was 29 years old. This again became a time that I can vividly remember and yet it’s blurry. There’s this indescribable connection that people have who have been through cancer and chemotherapy. No matter the age. No matter the close relation to the person. Her hurt hit close to home. I began to think back about Haleigh and how she loved people. She treated others with the most compassionate heart and made sure everyone felt equal. Haleigh worked at the Margaret Jean Jones Center helping to care for adults with special needs. She had a true heart of gold with a yearning to care for others. Haleigh shared her heart during her life. And yet, her time was limited.

Messages from Haleigh:

“Going through something like cancer is never easy, but I have gotten lessons out of my journey, even though it isn’t over yet. People don’t talk about the lasting side effects and we don’t often talk about the parts of life that can be affected forever. But even through it all, my God is still in control. He is the God of all and with Him, and only with Him all things are possible!”

“I am worried. I am scared. But I also know what He said. “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

Janet. In August of 2024, I was informed that Janet was diagnosed with cancer and she would be starting chemotherapy. Janet has been in my life since I was in kindergarten. Her daughters and I became friends when were little and have stayed friends into adulthood, she worked as the secretary at my school, and she has always been like another mom to me along with so many other women who are on my list of “other mothers.” The news of her having cancer broke me. I sobbed. I had flashbacks. So… like I did for Haleigh, I began sending her messages close to every time she went for another round of chemo to encourage her. My mom and I went to visit Janet shortly after she started chemo. I kept quiet mostly to hold back my emotions and mom led most of the conversation. When we went to leave, Janet and I held each other’s hand and locked eyes. Without saying a word, we knew. We knew what the other was thinking and how we felt. It gives me chills to think about. What a connection! Recently, Janet was given a set amount of time left to live. The numbness I have felt since then has been heavy. It’s continuing with the motions of life and trying to distract myself from a breakdown that gets me through each day. And I’m not even her actual family! I can only imagine how my friends feel and all I can do is be there to support them. That doesn’t feel like enough. I want to do more. All I can do is remind myself that man doesn’t set the time we have left, but God does and He’s known since He created us. He sets our Earthly time.

Grayson. January 2025, I was told that a 16 year old boy named Grayson had been diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. The same cancer as me. I only know of Grayson and his family through family and friends that are closer with them. I don’t truly know him and have never met him… and yet, I cried. I know… I know some of the things he is going to go through. I was 5 years older than him when I went through chemotherapy, but it still has the same effects. Yes, this particular cancer has a high survival rate. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is cancer. It doesn’t change the pain of the chemo. It doesn’t change the lasting affects it can have on someone later in life. It doesn’t change the probability of being more susceptible to second cancers later on. It doesn’t change the hurt that family members go through. Cancer is cancer. I keep thinking back to my mom during my chemo. The pain she went through watching her baby go through suffering right in front of her eyes and not being able to do anything about it. And yet, she was tough for me. She supported me. She was simply with me and that’s all I needed from her. And I know that was so hard for her. Grayson’s mom is now having to do this. Cancer doesn’t only affect the one diagnosed, but the whole family. I didn’t realize it when I was going through chemo because I thought no one understood how I truly felt and my family couldn’t relate. But they were also going through pain and suffering. Grayson and his family have a journey set ahead for them. Hopefully, cancer will simply be just another chapter in his story. But for now, we remind ourselves that this chapter was designed by God for this time.

We are only here on Earth living for a short time. As kids, we think we live from a newborn baby to 100 years old! As you get older, you learn that’s not always true. Time is precious. Time has many “sections.” Time can be at creation. Time can be at a phase or a chapter. Time can feel as though it stands still. Time can feel rushed. Time can be death. We already know, our time on Earth is limited. God allows us to spend our time going through trials that can help us to have a heart of wisdom. So, in this time we’ve been given… through the trials… during the in-between… it all serves a purpose. We need to trust God and be present for the beauty in the detours and use our time to share His love.

“Our time on Earth is brief; the number of our days is already decided by You.” Job 14:5

Please pray for Janet and her family as they cope with the news they’ve been given. Pray for Grayson and his family as he battles cancer at such a young age. Please also pray over Haleigh’s and Goat’s loved ones and Lacie as they all continue to heal.

February 15, 2025